How Can I Not Love You
by narisa rei
Summary: Zaldy feelings towards Tetyus.. timeline : around vol. 4.. please R&R!


Disclaimer : Seimaden and all related characters aren't mine..

Timeline : around volume 4...

Author's notes :

This is an angst story.. I love angst story.. Why I used "How can I not Love You?" as a title? It's because I inspired by a song whom sung by Joy Enriquez. I think most of you have already known that song..

This is a shonen-ai story.. a mild shonen-ai story to be exact.. ;;

Oh yeah.. Since English isn't my mother language, I'm not so good with grammar... so, if you find some.. or a lot of grammatical error (or another error maybe), please don't mind.. heheh.. I've tried my best..

-Zaldy's POV-

That night, I was sitting near the window. The rain was falling heavily outside.. and then.. I saw you there. You stood alone in the rain. Your hair.. your beautiful hair, face, and clothes were soaked of water, but you didn't care. Your face was sad and pale. You're always like that, why? You looked up at the dark grey sky, thought about something.. no, someone.. and it must be.. HIM. Why?

I was so attracted to you from the very first time I met you and I still do right now. And perhaps, it won't change till the next centuries. And you.. you won't change either. Always think about him, him, and him, till the end of the world.

I know that you never care of me. I'm your doll, a stupid doll to kill Hilda or for whatever reason. In the very very bottom of my heart, I know that very well. But I don't want to admit it, not even once. I'm scared to admit it, because it hurts. I pretend to be an idiot who always listen to myself, do anything I want and you want maybe, without showing a sign that I know I was used. I flee from the reality. Yes.. I'm a loser..

The first time I realized my true feelings; I stripped him and put that mark on his chest. I said to him I don't want a betrayal, but the truth is, I was so scared of losing him. He was Laures' right-hand man, but he did betray his master and pulling out the seal of mine. And I know that he can do that to me too, so I put on that mark on him. But still, I;m scared..

Day by day, the more I be with him, the more I can feel that I want him. But I can't do anything. Maybe I'm quite good at war, but not about this. I never felt like this before..

" Tetyus! Tetyus! Where are you?!"

" Tetyus! Oh.. here you are.. I've been searching for you.."

"eh?"

" Regret all that you did?"

" Zaldy-sama.."

I slapped him.

" Don't impress me with this present! This plant was also planted by you, isn't it?! You are very brave to betray me in front of my nose. I give you "a reward" for that!"

Then I kicked his belly. He fell off and moaned. Later, I knew that was also because of his wound.

" Aaarrrgggghhhhh!!" he sreamed.

But I didn't care. I couldn't think clearly at that time. My eyes were blurry. My anger took control of my body..

" Behind that face, you must be laugh at me!"

I stepped closer and closer to him. Then, without even thinking, I tore up his clothes. I still remember his shocked face when I did that. I pushed him down to the cold and coarse floor.

"Why did you help me and then betray me?!?!"

After said that, I kissed him.. Yes.. roughly enough that I could feel his lips were swollen.

After I did all those things, I realized.. I still couldn't kill him. Yeah.. I said to him,

"I'm not your friend. Next time we meet again, I'll kill you!"

But I'm not sure with my own words. I am weak. I'm so weak against him.. Why? Is this what human called.. love? How can a devil like me feel love?

-Author's POV-

After Sheril gone, Tetyus cried alone in that room.

'_I'm sorry Sheril.. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm not an angel. I'm bad. I'm the worst.. Forgive me Sheril.. forgive me..'_

Tetyus was confused.. very very confused. What would he do at that time? All things seemed circling around his head.

He covered his naked body with what left from his robe then went to his room, tried not to get notice ny anyone. After trying hard to get into his room with his wounded body, he passed out on his bed.

A few days later, Tetyus still hadn't recovered. In a mean while, Zaldy, who hadn't seen Tety those days, had been worried. But he didn't want to search that angelic demon. It would hurt his pride.

That evening, without showing a single sign and making a noise, a girl was entering Tetyus' room.

" Tetyus, you caused my lord died. I'll kill you!"

That girl swore her sword, ready to attack. But Tetyus suddenly avoided that attack. He had his own instinct of this.

" Jiji! What are you doing here?!"

"I regret that I didn't kill you last time we met. Now, I'll finish my duty. I want to take revenge at my lord's death!"

Then Jiji attacked Tety again. This time the sword hurted Tety. Fresh blood was flowing from that man's left shoulder.

"If you want to kill me, then do it! I don't care. I don't want to live anymore too. Just do whatever you want.." Tety said uncaringly.

With his body still covered with what left from his robe, Tety stood in front of Jiji with a stiff face, but full of sadness.

"You jerk! Don't underestimate me!" sreamed the girl.

But, before he could say more than that, Tety lost his consciousness again. Perhaps he couldn't bear the hurt od his old wounds, plus the new ones he just got from Jiji.

"hey you! Fine.. I'll kill you as you like.."

When Jiji's sword nearly touched Tety, suddenly a strong hand stopped her then threw her out of the window.

" Tety!" that person was Zaldy.

'_oh my god Tety.. you're still like this since that day..' _Zaldy almost cried when he saw Tetyus' condition.

Zaldy lifted the angelic demon up and carried him to his own room..

-Zaldy's POV-

As I expected, I can't forget you.. can't get you off my mind..

I layed Tety on my bed and treat his wound. He's badly injured.. and it's also because of me. After finished treating his wound, I sit on the edge of the bed, admire his beautifel face.. once again.. My hand move.. carresing his hair and face..

" Tety, I don't know what are you thinking and I don't care. Eventhough you used me, I don't care. Though your heart is on him, I don't care. I just want you to stay besides me. Why do I become weak like this? This is not me. But.. I can't lie to myself.. I love you Tety. Love you too much that I'm willing to do anything for you. Hmmph.. It's like I'm the servant here.. but I don't care.. I love you.."

The again, I kiss him. It's gently this time. Though I don't get the return kiss, maybe I never get one, but still.. I like it.. It feels so.. so.. uhh.. I can't describe it..

" Please tell me., Tetyus. How can I kill you? How can I erase you from my memory? How can I not love you..?"

My heart hurts so much. With a broken heart, I stand up and walk to the window, look outside.. far.. far away..

-Author's POV-

At that time.. Zaldy didn't know that while he was looking outside, Tetyus opened his eyes and throwed his look at Zaldy. A meaningful look.. full of thought, sadness, and regret...

The End.. or TBC...??

How is it? I don't know whether I should continue or just finished this fic.. What do you think? Please give me a comment.. I need it so much.. Thank you for reading!!!


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